Too much...

I have problems. Well, like everyone, I have lots. Let's just focus on one right now. I care about people too much, and I love too easily. Not easily, just without expecting it in return. Usually it's okay, but sometimes, it leads me into trouble. Tonight she told me "...and babe, you can do better. you deserve someone who will appreciate and respect you." I guess I do. But somehow its the idiots who I spend my time with. I waste my time worrying about them, when I should leave their sorry selves behind because I am better than that. I don't get anything back from them, and after so many years, I'm just used to it. 

My best friends are supposed to care about me and have my best interest in mind. They should want to spend time with me and love me unconditionally. That's what I try to do for my best friends. I put them above myself cause I wish for the same back. And don't get me wrong--with most of them, I get back what I give them (and more). There's just the few who take me for granted. And I let them. Antonio always tells me that I am "so smart with books" and how can I "be so stupid at life." Maybe I am just lacking common sense skills. I am only realizing it now that I am becoming more sure of myself. I am noticing that 

I don't need people who don't need me. It's good, but it's just another stupid thing in my life that I don't have time to deal with right now.

School drives me over the edge night after night. Studying has become my life. When I don't have a book open, I try to ride horses, the reason I made this life changing decision. I guess I speak to some friends. But I don't have the time I wish I did to keep up relationships. I find moments to call the ones I love, even when they aren't worthy of it. I guess my realizations are part of life. It's a learning process, and it just sucks that I'm a bit slower than others. 

P.S. Here's my most recent favourite picture that I have taken. It was my last night in Mexico. When i was trying to find beauty, I found it in the most simple things, even when it's too dark to see much of it.