Not enough words..

If I properly knew how to use curse words, tonight would be a night I would consider using them. Unfortunately I haven't learned the proper way to fit them grammatically into my sentences, so I will refrain from typing them. Sometimes though, I can't find a word strong enough to express an emotion of mine, no matter what the emotion may be. It could be love, disgust, annoyance, hate, they all seem to be weak words at times and I am unable to create an accurate picture of what attitude I want to portray. Now punching the wall or screaming really loud could help, but it's not easy to describe that through a computer either. 

I get frustrated when I can't portray what I want others to see. Like who I am or what I think...somehow people just don't get it. Though most of the time I want to believe it's their fault, I must consider that it could be a bit of mine. Expressing myself has always been hard. If I speak whatever is running through my brains at the moment of action, I would be a very bad person, making a lot of mistakes. Controlling my words and actions is one advantage I have...but it's no good if I can never give off what I want to. 

Like tonight. There's this feeling of hate towards pages and pages of notes I need to know for tomorrow. I hate studying for six hours. Hate doesn't come close to what I feel towards these words  written on pages and pages of dead trees. So I loathe them...but yet that can't depict what I feel. Urgh. I don't know if even a word I could create would be what I want to say. On the other end of the spectrum, I miss my best friend so much, and I love her unbelievably, words don't come close. I could say that she's the only thing that makes me read these notes that I hate, because I know if I do, I will do good on my exam, and she will be proud. (And I get to see her on Saturday) But that's not really what I feel. I love her so much, that love doesn't come close. It's this feeling that makes me care about her more than myself, and this drive to do everything in my power to make this week go faster so I can see her. Is it weird because she's a girl? I hope not, she's just my very best friend. It's bigger than love and stronger than my passion for anything else, stupid words won't let me express it correctly. So I'm sorry Megan, that I can't get out what I want. And notes, you are gosh darn lucky there isn't a word that lets me portray my attitude towards you right now.