Everybody's changing, and I don't feel the same.

I find it hard to trust people. Too many times have I been disappointed when I put trust into a certain person. I have decided that it's best too simply keep it to myself if I wouldn't like others to know. I do though, have a very small group of people whom I can trust with anything. It includes my brother, two guys, and two girls. No matter what I tell them, I trust that they will keep it to themselves, and will never judge me. These people are truly my guardian angels, God sent them to me to help get me through times I think are impossible. My brother helps me make big decisions and will always love me. I was given a very honest, blunt girl who tells me straight up what she is thinking. I have an innocent friend who believes I can't make mistakes, even when I do. I have an apathetic boy who shoves me back to reality and tells me not to make things bigger than they are. Then there's the boy who has been with my through it all. Who knew best friends in grade five would go through heartaches, fights, distance, and deaths and would still be best friends six years later. He is always there ( or 2000 miles away) to keep me sane. 

I've got these people always, and then some. But like all people, they change. I change too. I'm not saying trust has gone anywhere, but it's different. I worry just a little bit more that they might judge, and I doubt that unconditional love we have for each other. Being away for months at a time pulls people apart, whether you want to admit it or not. We meet other friends and become stronger people. Given only one week between months apart is hard to catch up. It's barely enough time to do anything. You can spend the week like you would have before you ever left, or you can try to start new things and see how they end up. I try a bit of both.

I hold on tight to things for as long as possible. I used to believe that holding on until I had nothing left was best. Now I wonder if it is. Letting go of what was when I was thirteen is hard. It was so easy back then. Things have changed, and I try to accept it. I'm letting myself ignore the past and get stuck in the present, not worrying about the future at all. This could be a huge mistake, but I will have to wait and see. My trust lies in another person this week, and it's a big test for me. I have gone outside of my comfort zone and lived in the moment. I'm making decisions and trying to prepare for consequences. That's what life is about, right? Taking chances. People say i should do more of it, and here you go, I am trying this week. 

I'm taking it one day at home. Who knows what will happen, but I vowed not to let it bother me. I focus on my life, and do no think about it too much. I need to make decisions and leave nothing unanswered. I discuss every choice with someone, a second opinion is always needed. That's why I have my best friends. Life sure is easier with them around. I'm going all out, and if I fall, they're there to catch me.